Different Indifferents

I was irritated at myself now , just why did I burst upon Finn even when he had done nothing wrong . I was talking to myself loudly and scolding myself since there was only me or maybe not . Just that moment , I realized that it was not only me there on the rooftop . Finn was standing there.  I saw him and I was pale , I didn't know how to face him . I came to me and was about to say something but I stopped him and said , " Finn , I really don't know what you are going to say but I am really sorry for happened before , I was not in my right mind . I shouldn't have been mad at you because you did nothing wrong . I don't know what you are thinking about me but whatever you are thinking is right. I am stupid , I am crazy , I am immature ". While I was blabbering all this , he stopped me in the middle and said , " Whoa, whoa, whoa , why are you being so nervous . I am not mad at all . You must've had your own reasons and I stepped in the middle . Do you k...

She was right but that dream had made me terrified and also my BPD Episode worse . I went to the restroom to wash my face and I saw myself in the mirror. I looked terrible but it was not because of crying . Because my expressions clearly stated that I had a panic attack . I stayed in the restroom for a while and tried to take long breaths to calming me down . That dream was indeed the worst dream I've ever had.  After a while , I went out and I saw that my mom was still sitting there . She asked me if I was okay by then.  I gave her a nod and she was at peace . She left to cook dinner . I was not feeling well because none of my episode had lasted so long . I decided to hear some music to change the mood and then I brought my phone and played music , plugged earplugs and laid down on my bed . I didn't realize when I fell asleep but it was a great nap of around an hour . When I woke up , I saw that the dinner was already ready and mom was waiting for me . I called her . She look...

Lucia was very happy . I could see a big smile on her face and I was happy for her . Finn too was good but he was trying hard not to pretend that he was happy . I was great too until when we went to ride the giant wheel . It was so crowded and tons of noises were coming from everywhere . I got blank again and felt that something sharp just pierced my brain . I was right , it was another episode . But I tried not to pretend because I could not spoil the moment when everyone was happy . After , the ride I said , " It is getting late , I didn't tell Mom that I would be this late so I think we should leave now . You both can enjoy more if you want ". Lucia and Finn both insisted on going back with me . We dropped Lucia and then I greeted Finn and I left for home . It took me around 20 minutes of walk to reach home but those 20 minutes seemed like forever . I could feel my heartbeat because it was so loud that I could hear it clearly and I could hear noises in my surroundings ...

Now , Lucia asked , " So, what happened about the project that we three were supposed to make ?' Yes, she was correct and this was why Finn came all the way here with me and I had almost forgotten it again . I smiled at her and said , " I guess the part that you did had pleased our homeroom teacher that much , that she didn't have a choice but to declare us winners ". She was like , " I didn't complete even 30% of ,y part and left ". And then she realized what I said afterwards . She was stunned, " What,  très bien ( great in french ) , I can't believe my ears ". I could not understand the words which she said in french but they were clearly the words that came out of pleasure . After that she formally congratulated Finn,  he also replied her formally.  Suddenly , an idea popped into my mind . I asked both of them if they want to go and hand out for a while . I said , " What about we go to the amusement park , it will freshen up L...