No one can console better than a mom

-
She was right but that dream had made me terrified and also my BPD Episode worse . I went to the restroom to wash my face and I saw myself in the mirror. I looked terrible but it was not because of crying . Because my expressions clearly stated that I had a panic attack . I stayed in the restroom for a while and tried to take long breaths to calming me down . That dream was indeed the worst dream I've ever had.  After a while , I went out and I saw that my mom was still sitting there . She asked me if I was okay by then.  I gave her a nod and she was at peace . She left to cook dinner . I was not feeling well because none of my episode had lasted so long . I decided to hear some music to change the mood and then I brought my phone and played music , plugged earplugs and laid down on my bed . I didn't realize when I fell asleep but it was a great nap of around an hour . When I woke up , I saw that the dinner was already ready and mom was waiting for me . I called her . She looked at me and smiled ," So , you are awake now , how did you sleep ? Let's have dinner now ?" I asked mom , " Mom, when you knew it was time for dinner , why didn't you wake me up or atleast you could eat without me ?" She smiled at me and said that she didn't feel like eating alone or waking her deep sleep either . Then , we ate dinner together because granny and brother were already done with their dinner and father was out for some days on his business trip . I didn't realize that my episode was finally over . All thanks to the music and mom for not waking me up . And then , I went in to do my homework . The next day , I went to school and it was usual . After school , I went to library to look, for some novels as I didn't want to repeat what happened in my dream . I had already told mom that morning . I sat inclining with the shelf in the corner of library reading . Suddenly , someone asked me , " Are you okay , Ms. Udolph?" I got scared and looked up , it was Finn . I asked him, " Why do you always ask me if I am okay ? And every time it is still the same answer . We just met yesterday and how can I not be fine in just one single day " . Little did I realize that what I just said was too rude and loud . I was embarrassed,  so I didn't look at Finn and walked away with my book . I went to the rooftop . I was irritated at myself now , just why did I busted upon Finn even when he had done nothing wrong . I was talking myself loudly and scolding me since it was only me there or maybe not ...................

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The previous me was very happy .

-
 I gave them a smile. She said," I mean, I know but I thought you had feelings for him because you met him way before than I did, I think you two should have a good talk. I am going to call mom and I will tell her that I am staying with you today and you can't object". And before I could say anything she left the living room. And it was us two. It was awkward. I decided to break the silence and spoke first," So, how did that happen. I am rather excited to hear about it". He was staring at the floor," Honestly, I don't know how it started but as we spent some time together. We realized that we had a lot in common , so it just happened like that. Honestly speaking, I also thought that....that you'. And he could not complete his sentence. So I completed it on his behalf," So you thought that I had feelings for you. He gave me a slight nod. I smiled at him and said truthfully," You don't need to feel guilty about anything. I have always th...
Read more

Still trying to digest it

-
 I went back to my seat an asked them how was it and they said I killed it. I hope so too. After the graduation ceremony, we clicked pictures. I was happy to see all of them happy. The feeling was surreal. After that we went home and all of us went out for dinner. Me, Diego, Petra, Paige, Brian and Petra's parents. Brian's parents could not make it to the dinner because her mother was extremely tired from the event and her father didn't want to leave her alone. After spending the one of the best days of my life, we were walking back. I went to Diego and told him slowly, "Can I visit mom and Dad tomorrow?" "Of course you can, but I will..." I cut him off "No. This time I want to be alone and trust me I will be fine" I looked at him with puppy eyes and he had to give up. After that he went to drop Petra and me and Brian were on our way home. "Can you believe we are going to be uni students in a next couple of weeks" I asked him still no...
Read more

Borrowed Life

-
Lucia was watching me nervously because she knew I hated Finn . But what else could we do other than the completing the project together . We had to complete the project after completing our school classes . So we decided to go to library after classes , and we started working on the project and that didn't go too bad.  I went home , sat in front of the mirror . I used to do this quite a lot whenever I felt depressed but today it was quite a different feeling . My days were going very well with good classmates and teachers , my grades were also fine . But , something was missing , somewhere inside my heart I felt that I was lacking something but what that was supposed to be find out . That feeling got worse in quite sometime , istarted to feel suffocated , I felt that there was something heavy on my chest stopping me from breathing . And then I started sobbing and didn't know the reason but I just wanted to cry , so I just let my tears flow. I holded my mouth with my hand so ha...
Read more