Borrowed Life

Lucia was watching me nervously because she knew I hated Finn . But what else could we do other than the completing the project together . We had to complete the project after completing our school classes . So we decided to go to library after classes , and we started working on the project and that didn't go too bad. 

I went home , sat in front of the mirror . I used to do this quite a lot whenever I felt depressed but today it was quite a different feeling . My days were going very well with good classmates and teachers , my grades were also fine . But , something was missing , somewhere inside my heart I felt that I was lacking something but what that was supposed to be find out . That feeling got worse in quite sometime , istarted to feel suffocated , I felt that there was something heavy on my chest stopping me from breathing . And then I started sobbing and didn't know the reason but I just wanted to cry , so I just let my tears flow. I holded my mouth with my hand so hard inorder not to let my mumma hear . That time I felt I wanted to go to a place where no one could hear me and I could just bring my anger out and I could just cry as hard as I could , I could shout as loud as I could . After 10 minutes of crying , I felt better and I wiped my face .

The next day I was feeling better but still I wanted to cry from inside . I hid that feeling , after the classes as usual we went to the library.  After 30 minutes Lucia got a call and she left as she had a family emergency . It was us now me and Finn . I was not feeling well but I had to hide it , after a moment I couldn't hold my tears so I just told him that I was going to restroom . Crying without reason was weird for me too , I felt as if was driving myself mad without any reason but my heart was like not feeling well at all . So I went to the rooftop , it was windy there and I felt free to cry .

I started to cry and I didn't realize when I became loud , after quite sometime I started thinking what the heck was happening with me that I just wanted to cry that bad . I just realized the reason was me myself , the reason was that I just felt I was not having my own life but had just borrowed it from someone else and was trying to make it better for the real owner , I was feeling that I had lost myself . My eyes were puffy so I just sat there and Finn came and silently sat beside me.

He said , " when people cry in strong windy area it is quite tough to hear the sound , so you just chose the right spot Ms. Udolph.............